I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
