Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
