i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
