the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is Oprah even human
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
