Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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