i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
