yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
