im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
