Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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