Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
