I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
