Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
