took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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