My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
