you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm too high and old for this...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
