if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
