Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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