I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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