I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
