my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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