Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
