I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
