I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
