i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
