if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
