what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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