Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
