I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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