Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
