Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize