What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
