Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
