I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
