somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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