if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
