I swear god or herbie drove my car home
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
