if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize