the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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