Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
