Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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