A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
