I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize