I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
