barbara walters just said penis...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
