That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had sex on a roof
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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