in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
