I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
