please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
