Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize