You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
