You're so nebulous sometimes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
