he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
