Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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