Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
