If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize