First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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