just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
