I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
