my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
