dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
