she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
