I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
