She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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