Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
