Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
