i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
