he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
