EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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