So drunk its hurt
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
