He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize