the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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