Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
