people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
