you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
