Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
