I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
