My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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