I hate your face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
