: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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