I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
