Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
