Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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