In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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