Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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