There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
