If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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