When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
