I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize