i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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