oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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