And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
