Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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