The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize