I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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