my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
