am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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