I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
