she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
