i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
