In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
