I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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