operation have a gay friend backfired
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
