please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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