i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
