this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
