you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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