At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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