I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
