Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
