I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
