so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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